DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
