his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Randomize
