i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
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