Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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