apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
they're like a gay fantastic four
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
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