also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
Randomize
