Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
