I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Randomize
