i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
