wanna go halves on a baby?
I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Randomize
