Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
Randomize
