He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize
