It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
