I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
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