Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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