I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
Randomize
