He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
Randomize
