there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize
