Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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