got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
