my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Randomize
