i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
