you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize