Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize
