This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
Randomize
