one two three fourrrrnication!
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
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