I smell stomach acid.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
