you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
