And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
My butt remains clenched, sir.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Randomize