Is it normal to miss your booty call?
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
