u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
Randomize
