who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
You left your phone here
Wait...
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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