Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
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