Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
