His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Randomize
