I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize