May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
