Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
My ATM looks so different sober.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Randomize
