somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
