YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Randomize
