cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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