He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
Can I color on your dick again?
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
there is another microwave in the elevator.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
