I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Randomize