You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
