i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize