Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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