I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
