Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
Randomize
