I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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