hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
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