Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
