Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
someone get that fucking seahorse.
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
