My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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