Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Randomize
