how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
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