My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
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