This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
Woke up backwards on a recliner
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Randomize
