I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
We need a shit load of segways right now
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
