SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize