So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
Let's get the cat blown out
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Randomize
