Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Randomize
