Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize
