...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize
